WILD AT HEART

song dedications again...

song dedications for the people i know...(i will only put the initials; if it so happens that it's your initial, it might be you or it could just be a coincidence. lol. =p)

(for D&M; I&A)

Lately, nothing I do ever seems to please you,
and maybe turning my back would be that much easier,
'cause hurtful words are all that we exchange...
but I can't watch you walk away.
Could I forget about the way it feels to touch you
and all about the good times that we've been through?
Could I wake up without you every day,
and would I let you walk away?
No, I can't learn to live without,
and I can't give up on us now.  -> Carrie Underwood - I Just Can't Live A Lie

 (for ehem, ME; I&A; ?&E; D&M)

I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul  -> Savage Garden - Affirmation

(for D) 

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality  -> Savage Garden - Affirmation

Ok, now I'm running out of songs to dedicate....hmm...i'm so bored...damn bored...bored....boredddddd....

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it's difficult  to have hope for something that you aren't sure about. this sucks! :( can somebody so alike be together forever?... but it would be better if the answer is yes, neh?... don't want the same thing to happen again. better to take things slow this time. ah shit! i'm still staring at the blank paper for this assignment due tomorrow. i have no idea what to write!! urgh! ...seems really...honest...and polite. an 'A' for first impression. arggghh...not again... "...Baby, take me on a journey, I've been thinking lately, I could use a little time alone with you...you've got me right where you want me..." jesse mc cartney again... ok then, guess that's all, don't wanna stay on the computer too long. =)

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i have not been blogging for weeks, or was it days? anyways, what was i about to say, so many things in my head and i'm filtering it now in my head before writing it down cos i realize my mouth tend to run away from me and i say stuff i shouldn't have said. that's why i don't talk much or i talk when necessary, otherwise don't talk at all, just think. =)

It scares me sometimes when i get bored of people easily. well, this does not apply to my best friends though cos they won't end up my best friends if i'm bored with them right?... i constantly need somebody to stimulate my critical thinking and to pick a fight on me, so to speak. anger tends to make me passionate about things i strongly believe in and i start behaving beyond my age. if not, then you see me now, i behave like a kid or a typical boring person. that's so uncool...lol!

i was looking at the website for SPCA Auckland and it seems like they need lots of volunteers. i plan to work with dogs, maybe cos i miss my own dog back home. i'm thinking of becoming a Week-day Canine Personal Trainers aka Dog Walker. since i have so much time, i might as well spend some time with the dogs. my mentor also said something about volunteering at an Old Folks' Home. i think that would be interesting. i just chatted with one of my friends and she did that too today and she was pretty excited about it. that would be awesome, i got somebody to go with. i also told her about the SPCA thing and she seemed keen on it too, so that's double awesome! LOL! =)

the technique i'm using now is free writing; i just type out what i'm thinking. quite effective when doing it on the laptop than writing it down on a piece of blank paper which tends to make my brain go blank too. hehe... ok, now my mind is blank, i don't know what to write...well, i want to write something, but maybe not yet, let it be a secret. =) i've got assignments to do but i'm wasting my time on this keyboard. dang! i better get serious in my studies.

doesn't it sound ridiculous when you're chatting with someone from the same building or call someone who just lives next to you. i don't like computers or technologies for that matter, it makes you lazy.

oh yeah, al and i drank pink wine last night. it was urgh, no 'kick'. but i was sleepy after that. i had a dreamless sleep which was good. but when i woke up at 7 this morning (my alarm woke me) and then i went back to sleep again, and i had this weird dream that i was running away from the vampires. my gawd! that was some dream. i was trying to get out from the vampires' 'nest' and on the way, i had to help this one girl to run away too. and 2 guy vampires pounced on us, my gawd, that was so scary. i don't know why, but i had this weird idea that if you bite them, they would stop killing you, and they would let you suck their blood. what the hell? where did i get this 'tip' from? anyways, i did it and it worked, surprisingly. that's not all. to get out of that place, you had to go through a house, when i said 'through' meaning you had to enter the house which had occupants that are probably (but i'm not surprised if all of them) are vampires, so my friend and i had to tiptoe our way to the back of the house. we were quite noiseless except for the wind that was trailling us whenever we walk. i was so afraid that the vampires were sensitive even with the slightest ripple in the air. my gawd, so tension... i don't know what happened after that, we still haven't reached to the back of the house (the house was big) when i got up. =)

wow, long entry! cool... ok, what else to write?...mmm...oh yeah, few days ago, when i contacted home, my mum out of the blue said i'm beautiful. ah, before that she asked me: Do you have any boyfriend there? Anybody interested in you?... to my mum's comment, i said: Why do you tell this to me now? when i was there (back home) you never say i'm beautiful? =) well, this is the example of a weird communication with my parents. hehe... ok, back to the comment, why did she suddenly say that? are things really ok at home? i don't plan to go back till i finish my course here. cos it's not like i get to go to NZ everyday?...Duh...

what the heck is this song?...oh yeah, DHT. ok, what else to talk about?...hmm...i still haven't make plans for the upcoming holidays. my gawd, i should snap out of this making holiday plans thing, i've got so many assignments due before that and exams and whatnot... ok, jesse mc cartney, cool...

i love my life, do you love yours? "...baby, take me on a journey, i've been thinking lately, i could use a little time alone with you..." ok, rascal flatts now... "...what hurts the most, is being so close...and having so much to say and watching you walk away...and never knowing, what could have been..." ok, now i don't know what song is this...

urgh, something bit my leg and i don't know what. and it's so itchy, the more i scratch, the worse the bites become. no, it's not the vampire bites. lol. bed bugs?! urgh, ugly creatures! why so huge one their bite marks?...it's not like i slept naked? how the hell did they reach my legs??

ok, this should be enough i think. i better get started on my assignments before it's too late. ciao everyone who reads this entry and have a pleasant time laughing at my entry. =) feel free to comment.

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[Chorus]
Step by step, heart to heart, left right left
We all fall down like toy soldiers
Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win
But the battle wages on for toy soldiers

[Verse 1]
I'm supposed to be the soldier who never blows his composure
Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders
I am never supposed to show it, my crew ain't supposed to know it

I'd never drag them in battles that I can handle unless I absolutely have to
I'm supposed to set an example

I need to be the leader, my crew looks for me to guide 'em
If some shit ever just pop off, I'm supposed to be beside 'em

And even though the battle was won, I feel like we lost it
I spent too much energy on it, honestly I'm exhausted
And I'm so caught in it I almost feel I'm the one who caused it
 

I'll walk away from it all before I let it go any further
But don't get it twisted, it's not a plea that I'm coppin'
I'm just willin' to be the bigger man
If ya'll can quit poppin' off at your jaws with the knockin'
Cuz frankly I'm sick of talkin'
I'm not gonna let someone elses coffin rest on my conscience cuz

~ Excerpt from Toy Soldier by Eminem ~

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Random Question

You know, language can be quite a barrier to expressing your emotions. For example, if someone tells you that he or she is thinking of you, what exactly did he or she mean??... 'think of' might have a romantic sense and it could also mean that he or she is thinking about something related to you. Dang...why is it so hard to decipher? This reminds me why I didn't like Literature, so not looking forward to study Lit next sem. Oh yeah, I asked someone the same question, and he said in Spanish, it is more direct, meaning 'think of' carries a romantic connotation. =p

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Straight from my heart

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Fluid

"...you say you dream of my face, but you don't like me, you just like the chase. To be real it doesn't matter anyway..." - quoted from the song Too Little, Too Late (Jojo).

It's really impossible to know whether a guy loves you for your looks or for you.  And if you play hard to get, that really set them pursuing you till you fall for them. At this stage, they back out; it's a game.  A GAME - only the best player will win, with both getting hurt of course, which is unavoidable.

* this is just a reminder to stand on solid ground or to be reasonable when it comes to love

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Changes

JOJO - LET IT RAIN 

Let it rain
Let it rain

From the first day I met ya
I notice your style
Had that B-Boy swagger not one of the crowd
And you talked like you knew me
Kept coming around and I fell for ya, yeah
Then as time kept going I noticed some things
Said our love kept growing
Wanted to run away cause the situation's in the past
Love never really last
Memories just had a hold of me

But I had to let go of the pain
Let love rain down on me (let it rain)
Cause you helped me open up my eyes
Show me things I could never see (let it rain)
Cause we can fight and we make up
Wanna see you when I wake up
I'm staying with you only (let it rain)
Cause I need you to show me how our love should really be (let it rain)

I use to wonder where were going
And where I wanted to be
Sitting alone all shocked up waiting for my destiny
Hearing songs on the radio wishing that could happen to me, oh no
Then when you came into the picture then I knew quickly
That we could build something so strong
Expect the best for the future
Forget about what used to be
I need you here all life long

But I had to let go of the pain
Let love rain down on me (let it rain)
Cause you helped me open up my eyes
Show me things I could never see (let it rain)
Cause we can fight and we make up
Wanna see you when I wake up
I'm staying with you only (let it rain)
Cause I need you to show me how our love should really be (let it rain)

Cause I see the sunlight whenever we touch
All day and all night is never too much (All that were how)
Afraid of my feelings and falling too deep
But everybody's had this happen one time or another
When you need someone to set your heart free

But I had to let go of the pain
Let love rain down on me (let it rain down down on me)
Cause you helped me open up my eyes
Show me things I could never see (let it rain)
Cause we could fight and we make up
I wanna see you when I wake up
I'm staying with you only (let it rain)
Cause I need you to show me how our love should really be (let it rain)

But I had to let go of the pain
Let love rain down on me (down on me baby)
Cause you help me open up my eyes
Show me things I could never see (let it rain)
Cause we can fight and we make up
Wanna see you when I wake up
I'm staying with you only (let it rain)
Cause I need you to show me how our love should really be (let it rain)

Let it rain
Let it rain
Let it rain

This song, originally introduced by my brother and which I'm surprised to find this fitting with my current situation. Forget what I said in my previous post. Well, my ego refuse to elaborate more, so I let this song do the 'talking' and of course I would like to dedicate this to him (not my brother). =)

The stuff I want to ammend in my previous post:

1. It's ok to be vulnerable sometimes because only then would you know your strengths. You'd be surprised of what you could do.
2. Love is a beautiful thing. When you're in love, make the best of it and one rule: DON'T EXPECT PERFECTION!
3. When you experience love, expect to get hurt too. Don't close your heart just because you are afraid to experience pain. It's all part of a process, an inevitable thing(?)

Wondering why I write this stuff, well, let's just say, someone unconsciously taught me things which now (as you can see) change my perspectives on this thing called "LOVE". =)

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Read What My Messy Mind Has to Say =)

Once you feel vulnerable, the next thing would be feeling afraid; afraid that you will be taken advantaged...

Falling in love benefits most people, but it does kill some people. Lack of appetite to eat, then constant puking (when you know you're not pregnant)...

Having no whatsoever feelings for the opposite sex certainly does not make you a homosexual. Another explanation could be that your heart is already closed and all you wanted is to back out of this whirlpool of lovey-dovey, mushy-mushy feelings. Dang...

From the first day I met ya
I notice your style
Had that B-Boy swagger not one of the crowd
And you talked like you knew me
Kept coming around and I fell for ya, yeah
Then as time kept going I noticed some things
Said our love kept growing
Wanted to run away cause the situation's in the past
Love never really last
Memories just had a hold of me

But I had to let go of the pain
Let love rain down on me (let it rain)
Cause you helped me open up my eyes
Show me things I could never see (let it rain)
Cause we can fight and we make up
Wanna see you when I wake up
I'm staying with you only (let it rain)
Cause I need you to show me how our love should really be (let it rain)

Jojo - Let It Rain (excerpt)

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Mario Vasquez - Gallery (excerpt)

Tell me what's the reason that you hold on
When you know that dude has a whole wall of 'em just like you
And girl you're just way too fine
Gotta be treated as one of a kind
Girl use your mind
Don't be just another dime

Because I can't take
Seeing you with him
'Cuz I know exactly what you'll be,
In his gallery
It's just not fair
And it's tearing me apart
You're just another priceless work of art
In his gallery

She's so confused
She knows she deserves more
Someone who will love and adore
But his money's hard to ignore
She really doesn't know what to do
Girl it's just a matter of time
Before he finds another more fine
After he's done dulling your shine
You're out the door and he's through with you

I can relate to this song so well... (sigh)

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Bits and Pieces

Sometimes I hate myself for being so weak! Everything's not real, what was I thinking?!

This is a weird training...how do you separate your true emotions from your facial expressions?...I really need my brother right now, he knows how to deal with this, now this is getting weird... And oh yeah, if a guy thinks and really believes that he's the hottest thing in the planet, and once you saw him, you thought, "He's aight...", and that's it. So how do you tell him that he's just ok or average looking?...hmm...

It's a game, now I have to compute this in my head and not get too carried away. Dang, how could someone make me so comfortable with myself? LOL! =p <--- Don't bother what I'm saying here, I also don't know...heh...

Cos my flatmate is not around for the weekend, I have the whole place to myself. Yippee!! I might get a sip of the ehem, ehem...hehe...better not, she would 'strangle' me for sure. LOL!

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Dang! I hate this sensation...I feel like puking, hmm...must be the drinks. Ugh! Pineapple+Rum and Lime+Vodka (man, I miss taking vodka) - what I drank at Mexicali, a Mexican restaurant/pub/cafe (whatever it is, but it's a Mexican eating place).  Ugh! I hate this feeling right now, it's at my throat, all the stuff I ate, the burrito, the colorful drinks...blek!

I have something to tell Al, but maybe later...it's still early, but maybe soon enough. Ok, why do I bother typing this down when she's just right next door? LOL! Ah, must be the drinks... =p

Anyways, some guys are way over their head...they think that they're so hot (some are) and girls would be all over them. It makes girls sound like a nympho (some are by the way).

Dang, I think I ate something wrong, my stomach feels funny. Now it really can't be the drinks cos I think I'm sober after sleeping the drunkenness off.

When faced with a situation, really serious situation, nobody could handle it quite well, most people anyways, especially when it comes unexpectedly.  And yes, I'm talking about myself, as usual...=) Not going to say much here, so I better end my entry now before I start spilling my guts. =p

Cheerio... =)

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A Song Dedication Again... =)

Carrie Underwood - I Can't Live A Lie 

Could I forget about the way it feels to touch you
and all about the good times that we've been through?
Could I wake up without you every day,
and would I let you walk away?
No, I can't learn to live without,
and I can't give up on us now.

Oh, I know I could say we're through
and tell myself I'm over you,
but even if I made a vow,
a promise not to miss you now
and tried to hide the truth inside,
I'd fail, 'cause I--I just can't live a lie.

Could I forget the look that tells me that you want me
and all the reasons that make loving you so easy-
the kiss that always makes it hard to breathe,
the way you know just what I mean?
No, I can't learn to live without.
Oh.
So, don't you give up on us now.

This song is dedicated to an intimate friend of mine who really likes this guy and she hopes that he knows...somehow...and maybe he feels the same way too. Well, good luck to her. =)

Oh yeah, I just want to record this down cos it was my first time - I went clubbing! =p I really enjoyed myself. Dancing, it's easy, after a few shots of liqour and a bottle of beer. LOL! Now, I'm feeling a little dizzy, not sure whether it's from the wine or the dancing. But who cares? Bottom line, I ENJOYED MYSELF!! =p Cheers everyone!

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