Counting the hours
08.22.05 (4:45 pm) [edit]Three and a half hour to leave this place, I can't wait. Maths teacher and Literature has given us lots and lots of homework to do during the holidays. Maths - Differentiation of Logarithm exercises and also Trigonometry notes to compile into a book; Literature - reading assignments and Emma questions to do. Wow, can I finish all these in time? I've got to revise all the subjects to resit, homework to finish, brother to entertain, family to spend time with, tv programmes to watch, puppies to play with....aargh, so many things to do, but so little time to accomplish all of them. Hmm, what else? Oh yeah, there's mid sem examination 2 weeks after the break. Oh man...have to revise for A2 subjects.
I'll be bringing 2 big bags and 1 hand luggage. 1 bag for books and the other for clothes. I can't believe I've to bring most of my books back to study. Holiday is supposed to be a time for you to relax, not to study. Otherwise what's the point of having a holiday then? *sigh* wuteva...I still need to study anyway.
Just now during Pure Maths class, the teacher checked the homework she gave us yesterday. I didn't do it, because I was busy packing my stuff and hanging out with my friends (shared a mooncake with my friends), so of course I was being commented (not told of or scolded) by the teacher. She was pretty surprised I should say, since I've always completed my assignments. But I think she understands that right now I couldn't concentrate in class, too excited to go back home. :) Can't blame me right?
Tomorrow will be my seniors' graduation day. It's a pity I won't be able to see my seniors. I'm glad that my 3 friends are able to continue their studies in the UK, they've worked pretty hard for it, so I think they should deserve it. Elaine's going to Sheffield University, Melvin's going to Southampton University and Mathias's going to Imperial College. Impressive! :p I hope my friends and I can see them off to UK. They're definitely a source of inspiration to my friends and I since we're like the minority in our college. Pressure, pressure....Ok, chow! This is my last post before my break, so I won't be blogging after the tenth day. Happy holidays to me and I hope to have a safe journey home. Bye....
A friend? An acquaintance?
08.21.05 (5:05 pm) [edit]There's this one girl my friend made up to (they were in conflict for almost 3 months!) just last week. Well, she thinks that this time it would be diffrent (by the way, they've 'broke up' twice). My other friend and I were ok with it, just that I'm not happy to be informed much later that they've made up.
She doesn't do anything wrong to us, just that her presence makes us feel so uncomfortable. I don't know why, but everytime she comes over to talk to us, my mouth automatically snaps shut. It's not my intention to do that, just that I suddenly have nothing to say to her. I remembered thinking, 'Hey, what's wrong with you, say something!' Still, no words come out. My friend said maybe the energy she sends out just doesn't suit us. Wow, so deep...like the feng shui thing. My friend said she's contemplating to 'divorce' her today, and I think she just did. Not officially of course. But just now, when she came over to ask whether we're going to the dining hall for our tea break, no one answered her. I presumed both my friends would answer her, since it's so usual for me to be 'The Silent One.' But no one did. Oops, I didn't mean to be mean.
Can't she get the hint? We don't want her to follow us around like a lost puppy, oops, bad analogy cos puppies are cute, plus puppies don't intervening our space. Just now during dinner, just the usual 3 eating at the usual table and she came over and sit one table apart from us and her sitting position is somehow facing our table. Why must she do that? I don't mean to sound like a snob, but all this while people don't dare to sit near us because we're different, they sit at least 2 tables away from us. But SHE has the nerve to sit so close to us! I know she wanted to eat with us, but she dared not for the moment, so she sat nearby. What da hell? I can't take this anymore, she's really getting into my nerves, fortunately it's almost the school holidays, then I could forget her for awhile. How can this be happening to me? She's like a stalker. I know the tables in the dining hall are public property, but the way she follows us around really makes me uncomfortable big time. And she knows our routine so damn well that she knows when to pounce on us. We badly, badly need our own space. Man, if only you know how this place sucks. People around you know exactly well what are you going at this-and-this hour, or where are you going to or your problems. Ok, I don't mind them knowing this, I mean that shows that they care right, but what I don't like is that when you start telling the whole world about it. It's like gossiping. Are we that predictable ha?! It's bad enough we're different from other people, thus making us the center of attention, but when she's hanging out with us, she likes calling for attention by doing really silly stuff or just being loud and yes, she loves the attention people give her. Please...we don't want that anymore. All we want to do is to blend which is of course impossible since we're already different. So the least we could do is to keep a low profile. Everything was just fine ok when my friend didn't make up with her, we have all the freedom, it's just my friend who's affected because she's always asking: 'Hey, I've not seen Allie around, do you guys know where she is?' and then when my friend's not with us, she would asks : 'Where's the other one?' or 'What happened to the three musketeers?' The later question really pissed me off, because when she asked this, she was saying it with a smile, it's like she thought we're having conflict or something.
I know she's not going to bother me directly because of the 2 'ice incident.' The 2nd time she did it, I was mad at her and all I do was just walked away. I'm not in a mood to tell her off and humiliate her in front of all the students. After that, I can see that she's careful when she talks to me. A little bit of formality, yeah...I don't like though if people become afraid of me, I know it was a joke, but it was a pretty mean one. And I know she underestimates me, so this really taught her a lesson not to make fun of someone you don't know well. If it's from my friends, I could endure it, but it's her. I don't really know you, so who the hell treat me like you know me so damn well?!
Conclusion, she doesn't do anything wrong to me, just that I don't feel comfortable around her. It's ok if she's my acquaintance, someone I could just talk to once in awhile, but not a friend, because I don't think I would be able to open up to her. For now, whenever she's around, I'll put up a defence block around me, then she won't bother me anymore.
Nothing much
08.21.05 (4:52 pm) [edit]Yeah! I'm goin back tomorrow, can't wait. I'll be taking the 7pm flight and will be reaching about 9pm, but I'll be leaving this hell by 2pm. Imagine that! The earlier I get out the better. I can't wait to see my 2 puppies and their mother. Can't wait to see mum and dad and bro. Too bad my holidays is just 10 days and I've to be back here on the 4th of Sept. Don't think about that yet, just enjoy my break with my family.
I've to remember to study of course. I can't surf the internet for 10 days because I'll be busy studying, that means I can't go blogging too. *sigh* It's ok I guess, just for a short while. Anyways, just now we were having Pure Maths class and the teacher came in late, she came in when our Maths period almost ended. At first, she said she'll be in class in 5 minutes time, but the 5 minutes stretched to an hour! My friend even joked whether our teacher knows how to calculate. I don't mind though if the teacher comes in late, but what I don't like is that when she comes to the class, teaches the new topic just for 5 minutes then asks us to do all the exercises found in the book. C'mon, how could a 5 minutes lesson cover all the exercises? It's insane! She says we don't have to worry because it's easy, yeah right, wuteva man...of course for her it's easy, she's been teaching Maths for years and we're so new to the topic. No one's concentrating in class, quite expected, since tomorrow everyone is going back.
I'm having Sociology class later, I'm so scared...of the teacher. I don't get Sociology, I tried very, very hard to understand the topic, but I still don't get it. It's basically just sociologists proposing their theories on how the world should be viewed and then other sociologists would criticized his ideas. Man, when answering exam questions also, we're required to debate a topic using their arguments which just go round and round, urgh, so confusing. 'What goes around, comes around,' I guess. My friend said why don't I use mind maps, they help in understanding the topic better. Hmm, maybe it's not a bad idea, since she's quite good in Sociology.
Interesting Person
08.18.05 (5:03 pm) [edit]There's this one girl (she's my junior) whom my friends, my roommates, my course mates, students my batch, students her batch...loves to hate. I don't know why. Well, let me tell you about her through my eyes. Let's give her a name, say Trix (less characters to type).
They say they don't like her attitude, meaning she shows no respect for others. Ok, what I see is that she's just trying to hide her insecurities by putting up a mask for the world to see. Evidence: Remember about the voting I talked about? She's one of the candidates. So the girls my batch planned to gang up on her. When she presents her manifesto on stage, we're to booed at her. Then she would be totally humiliated in public (the whole school was there that night, except the teachers). With an unsupporting audience, she's bound to lose her confidence right? I think she did. What normal person who's just booed by the audience would not feel affected? So she spoke with an accent, no doubt about it (good English? Yeah, better than mine.) and she talks like a hip-hopper. Oh boy, not just the way she speaks, it's also the way she moves, i.e her body language. In her manifesto, she was talking about wanting to change our college into a better place (somewhere between those lines) and improve the food quality etc. My buddies yelled at her, saying "But we love da way it is," "Don't change the food, we love (name of our dining hall) food..." I was appalled because initially we're complaining about how the food here sucks, and this time they're praising it. I gave them the confusing look and they just smiled back. Well, I guess it's just a way to spite her. I pitied her though, it took quite a large dose of courage to speak in front of a huge crowd and it makes matters worse if the crowd you're dealing with is a lousy one. With this kind of crowd, it's up to the speaker to hush the audience in a proper way, in a way that doesn't offend the audience. Well, I could say she did a poor job in that. Suddenly she started pointing at the audience (it's rude if you point at the people) and talking (it looks like scolding to me) at the same time. Bad, bad, the hall was in chaos because of her. She was emotional, can't blame her for behaving that way, I mean nervousness + lack of persuasive speech + lack of respect for the audience + bad crowd = no vote for you. And yep, she didn't win the election. I don't deny she has the confidence, but if she could just treat others nicer, then maybe it wouldn't be so bad. And she would be a nicer person.
It's a pity that just because of her alone, the whole juniors are affected. Can't blame the seniors, we all think that all the juniors behave the same way. Let me illustrate to you: if someone just put 0.05% of mercury in your water tank, wouldn't that mean that you can't drink the water anymore because ALL of it is contaminated. So yeah, just because of one black sheep, the society is bound to scourned the group that the black sheep comes from.
I think she's not all that bad. I'm sure she has some positive points too, just that just because of one fault, we tend to look down on her already. It's like the illustration of the white paper with a black dot in the middle of it.
What a Strange Dream
08.18.05 (4:21 pm) [edit]I miss home...I had a dream yesterday that I was at home with my family and the new puppies, but instead of just 2 puppies (my dad gave the other 4 to my aunts), I saw more than just 2, but I'm not sure if the total of them comes to 6. One of the puppies doesn't look like a puppy at all, it's...a dog! Wow, I can't believe in just one month, it would reach that size. Anyway, this 'puppy' is really clever, it could perform tricks (but I don't remember what tricks though). And one thing interesting about it is that it introduces itself to me, "Hello, I'm Dorothy". Wow, I was so taken aback. I didn't expect it to talk like a human. So I gave it a hug (big enough to hug by the way). And there's another puppy that looks like Bugs Bunny, it slouches...quite lazy actually. Mind you, it doesn't has long ears like Bugs Bunny, well, if it does, I'll freak BIG time.
Basically, this whole week I was dreaming of home, and my dreams keep on repeating itself, I don't know why. In all my dreams, I always say, "Eh, I remember going to this place." It's not a nightmare, it's just freaky...My dreams formed a kind of pattern, whereby the week before I go home, I would dream of home, and the result is me being nostalgic. Well, I've 4 more days to stay in this hell and off I go. Yippee!
Boringggg...
08.17.05 (2:34 pm) [edit]Urgh, what a boring day! Today we're supposed to vote for candidates for the Student Body. Man, I don't like to vote cos I HATE politics. It just makes you angry thinking about how manipulative the government could be. I know it's just for a Student Body, but this is in a micro scale compared to choosing the candidates to lead our country! Hahaha...you know me, always the extreme one. Anyways, just go ahead and be done with it.
IELTS result out!
08.17.05 (2:25 pm) [edit]I got my IELTS result. It's better than I expected. Though I'm slightly lower than what my friends get, but still I'm happy with it. Want to know what I get? Speaking - band 7, Writing - band 7, Listening - band 7.5 and Reading - band 8. Not bad eh? So I don't have to sit for the paper again since I meet the minimum requirement.
What happen to JUSTICE?
08.14.05 (4:34 pm) [edit]Thousands Fill Church for 'Justice Sunday'
By BETH RUCKER, Associated Press Writer1 hour, 5 minutes ago
America's most powerful judges are "unelected, unaccountable and arrogant," Focus on the Family founder James Dobson told the thousands of people who packed a Nashville church for "Justice Sunday II," a rally televised for broadcast to churches across the country.
The goal of the rally was to educate evangelical Christians about the U.S. Supreme Court and get them talking to friends and elected officials about what they want from the justices, said organizer Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council.
Many of the speeches targeted the Supreme Court's power and what the writers of the Constitution intended the justices' role to be.
"All wisdom does not reside in nine persons in black robes," House Majority Leader Tom DeLay told the crowd. "The Constitution is clear on the point that the power to make laws is vested on Congress."
The president of The Catholic League, Bill Donahue, suggested a constitutional amendment to say that "unless a judicial vote is unanimous, you cannot overturn a law created by Congress."
The court is trying to "take the hearts and souls of our culture," he said.
Dobson evoked the framers of the Constitution, saying: "These activist, unelected judges believe they know better than the American people about the direction the country should go. The framers of our great nation did not intend for the courts to have absolute and final power over us."
Protesters were also vocal Sunday, both outside Two Rivers Baptist Church, where the rally was held, and across town, where a group of religious leaders held a separate event to counter what they saw as an extremist message.
"This is so Americans can see the 'Justice Sunday' sponsors and Tom DeLay don't have any exclusive hold on religion," said Glenn Smith, an organizer of "Community of Faith and Unity Gathering."
Rita Nakashima Brock, founder of Faith Voices for the Common Good, said "Justice Sunday II" was calling for a theocracy instead of democracy.
"Those people meeting with Tom DeLay, Chuck Colson and Jim Dobson think they own the Bible and that God speaks only to them," Brock said.
The first "Justice Sunday" event, held in April at a church in Louisville, Ky., had been aimed at stopping a potential filibuster of several nominees for the federal bench.
One of the speakers at that event, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, had threatened to try to change Senate rules to prevent certain filibusters if Democrats persisted, a move applauded by the rally organizers. Weeks later, 14 Senate Republicans and Democrats forged a compromise. Some conservatives accused Frist of allowing it to happen.
"There will be repercussions," Perkins said at the time.
Frist, a surgeon, wasn't invited to address "Justice Sunday II" because he angered the events' organizers by voicing his support for expanded human embryonic stem cell research.
At the rally Sunday, Mike Miller, 54, of Gallatin echoed many of the speakers comments on judicial power, saying he believes Supreme Court justices try to create laws with their rulings instead of interpreting the Constitution.
"Activist justices — we're trying to find out what we can do to stop that activity," he said. "Our laws are based on the Ten Commandments."
Copyright © 2005 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. The information contained in the AP News report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press.
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The prince is asking for something, and the one who is judging does so for the reward. - Micah 7:3
Since it's mentioned in the Bible, so injustices did occur in ancient times. Judges will only seek a person's justice if he pays him to do it, otherwise don't expect to be free though in actual fact you're not guilty at all! People around the world realized it today, because injustices have become so commonplace and they are getting worse each day. But there will be a time when justice will prevail, that is when the system of this things is destroyed and God's heavenly kingdom replace all earthly kingdom.
Do we really need Math?
08.11.05 (5:03 pm) [edit]I'm suppose to hand in my P3 homework, but I don't. I couldn't do the exercise, so how do you expect me to complete it? The topic - Exponential and Logarithm Function is quite a difficult one. I don't understand at all no matter how hard I tried. I've read the topic like 3 times, but I still don't get it. My teacher taught just the basics, and when I say 'basic', it is the basic! It doesn't seem to help in the exercises so why bother?
On the other hand, if I don't understand the topic, I would have problems later. Maybe I should ask my roommate, I hope she could enlighten me. Man, first I have to revise my AS, then this? I wonder how could anyone cope with this. I was so annoyed when I couldn't make sense of the topic just now, grrrrrr...Maths always gets in my nerves.
Minor trauma
08.11.05 (2:28 pm) [edit]I'm going to receive my IELTS results today. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow. Whenever it is, I'm still going to receive it anyway. I hope I could get at least a band 7 because my course requires at least a band 7 for every component (4 altogether). If I don't get a band 7, then I've to resit for it again, not only that, I've to pay RM500 in order to resit. Oh boy, I wonder how much I've to spend for my education. Already I've to pay on my own, I've to work extra!! Arghhhhh.....Ugh! Snap out of it! I haven't even gotten my results yet, I already start panicking.
I realized that I won't be able to go back for the October and November break because I've to stay back to resit. But I don't mind though, my mum has made some special arragements for me. Hehehe...I won't tell you what is it. Anyway, I'm going to enjoy this very much. But first, I need to study.
My Short-term Dilemma
08.10.05 (6:25 pm) [edit]I'm contemplating whether or not I should resit for my Maths paper this October or next year. Just 2 months to study, can I cope with it? There are pros and cons of me resiting the paper this October. The pros: If I do end of this year and DO WELL, then I won't have to resit for it next year, meaning I have more time to concentrate on my P3; but if I do the end of this year and DON'T DO WELL, then I still have 2 more chances to resit for it - June and Nov 2006. Of course I don't look forward to repeating the same paper again. The cons: If I want to repeat end of this year, then I would have to work really, really, really hard in just 2 months! Wow! Can I cope with that since I have other papers to repeat? But if resit for it next year, then I would have lesser time to concentrate on my A2 which is tougher than my AS. I think it's better to be done with all this resitting shit this year. Money is not the issue since it's just RM200 per subject (not as expensive as I thought it would be). I would pay for the papers myself rather than ask my mum and dad.
Hmm.............................................I made up my mind. I'll sit for all the 3 subjects this October. Psycho...yeah wuteva! :D
I pity the juniors. They only have 1 or was it 2 chances to repeat. Well, what can I say? I guess we're just lucky to be the pioneers for this course. Eh heh heh...I'm so mean.
Life!
08.09.05 (9:02 pm) [edit]"Girl in the Mirror"
There's a girl in the mirror
I wonder who she is
Sometimes I think I know her
Sometimes I really wish I did
There's a story in her eyes
Lullabies and goodbyes
When she's looking back at me
I can tell her heart is broken easily
'Cause the girl in my mirror
Is crying out tonight
And there's nothing I can tell her
To make her feel alright
Oh the girl in my mirror
Is crying 'cause of you
And I wish there was something
Something I could do
If I could
I would tell her
Not to be afraid
The pain that she's feeling
The sense of loneliness will fade
So dry your tears and rest assured
Love will find you like before
When she's looking back at me
I know nothing really works that easily
'Cause the girl in my mirror
Is crying out tonight
And there's nothing I can tell her
Oh the girl in my mirror
Is crying 'cause of you
And I wish there was something
I wish there was something
Oh I wish there was something
I could do
I can't believe it's what I see
That the girl in the mirror
The girl in the mirror
Is me
I can't believe what I see (no....)
(The girl in my mirror)
The girl in my mirror is me
Ohh...is me
'Cause the girl in my mirror
Is crying out tonight
And there's nothing I can tell her
To make her feel alright
Oh the girl in my mirror
Is crying 'cause of you
I wish there was something
I wish there was something
Oh I wish there was something
I could do
My walls are cracking but not falling apart. I'm in the verge of losing my grip. But I have to continue to stay strong and focused no matter what happens. Dorothy said it's all about the battle of the mind, like a survivor game you see on reality TV show which tests one's endurance. Oh man...she makes it sound like it is a game, even if it is, I thought I passed. Maybe I'm in the intermediate level, it's not that I failed, it's just that I'm given a more challenging game this time. I've tried the physical challenge but I think now I'm experiencing the mental and emotional battle. Wow, baby! Talk like a gamer. :) Hey, maybe it's cool to treat this whole situation as a game and I'm the player. The monsters and aliens are the structures of this world. I've to defeat the one who controls the monsters and aliens, HIM! We can't deny that he's very good in influencing these creatures. Yup, come to think of it, we are living in a fantasy world. I remember my dad said that 'life is about making the right decisions,' while I said that 'life is a gamble,' well, I think it's both! Cos you see, when one gambles, he has to think the amount of bet he needs to put on a certain number, so if he makes the wrong choice, then he'll lose. And he'll have to deal on how to be a humble loser. :)
Runnin'
08.09.05 (8:23 pm) [edit]I've had enough
I'm not gonna stay
I'm sorry for running away like this
And I'm sorry I've already made my wish
Though it's just the middle of the week, I could say it has been a very tough one. Few of my mates are going to quit the programme and break away from the contract. Some are still undecided. If anything goes wrong by the end of this year, I'm sure I'll see more people going off soon and that includes my two buddies.
As for me, I'm staying. I know that I'm taking a risk and gambling my future, but what can I say. Life is about gambling anyway, what do I have to lose? If I don't lose this now, I might lose something else in the near future.
There's a lot of things I'm about to lose. Am I ready to face the consequences? It's my decision, so I guess I'll have to deal with it. There's lots of preparation to be done, and am I competent enough to carry my duty to completion? Adam wants me to analyse the cause of the company's bankruptcy. Told him that I tried, no, I did my best to get the 'business' going but it seems that...oh well, there's nothing much to say, it's gone anyway. Adam will discuss this with me later tonight. I haven't ask the rest of the committee members, but I know where I went wrong. Give him a full, detailed report then, which I'll have to complete by this evening.
I wonder whether bro is doing well with his company. He might be transferring the company's management to another company. Hmm...maybe he's already decided to continue or not.
Received 3 memos from Dorothy. I think that's why Adam placed an emergency call to me last night. I think they're pretty much as worried as I am but they refused to let me know.
The Aftermath...again
08.09.05 (4:17 pm) [edit]Everyone is having a hard time. It's expected since it's not like we didn't study but the results seem to show the opposite. So I don't know. I almost breakdown yesterday, thinking what would happen to my future. I miscalled my mum and she called back. Later that night, my dad called. Man, I feel encouraged just hearing their voice. They lifted my spirits.
I can't wait to go back home. It's just 2 more weeks left to stay in this hell-hole. Go back and see my puppies. Wow! Just typing this out could strengthen me. I guess that's all. Oh yeah, I need to find owners for my puppies. It's a pity I can't keep them...
Shady Aftermath!
08.08.05 (8:31 pm) [edit]My close friend, Elena past her exams with flying colors (meaning she met our sponsor's requirements), so she could go abroad. I'm happy for her since she worked hard in her studies and I think she deserves it. She's going to be fly next month, Sheffield's registration day is on the 16th of September. My friend Andrew couldn't fly because he only got 11/15 points, just 2 more points he would be among those who fly. His girlfriend got 12/15 points and Elena told me that she wants to apply to our sponsor, so that she could fly too. But I seriously doubt it because our sponsor is kind of broke. Give them few more years, I bet they would bankrupt soon. I haven't contact Andrew because I know he must want some time alone to think about his next step. When things cool off a bit, maybe I would contact him. Well, that depends.
Just now we did 'post-mortem'. Disect everything and analyse where did we go wrong. My classmates were mentioning all the possibilities while I just listened (as usual). I even have the time to fold a paper boat because I got fed-up. My teachers cried because they think that it's their fault that we got bad results. I felt bad too, since I thought of blaming them for ruining our future. But it's nobody's fault. I remembered what my dat said, "It's all about making the right choices and the right decisions." Come to think of it, my dad falsified my view that "Life is a gamble." C'mon, if my sponsor didn't put a new teacher to teach us a totally new subject, this wouldn't have happen. We're the first batch to take up this course, so I guess it's no surprise. It's always the pioneers who have to suffer.
Anyway, I still need to work very hard like never before. I thought of repeating all my subjects and sit for them in October. That means I must have RM1500 to pay for the papers and I've only less than 2 months to prepare for the exam. Man, so hectic! Am I ready to work that hard. I have to pummel my body and lead it as a slave. I've made the timetable and I hope, no, I must follow it. I've no choice. Come to think of it, I didn't study as hard as I should, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I get that kind of result. Anyway, never mind, whatever is past is past! Stop thinking about what should be and what should not.
Resident Evil
08.08.05 (7:57 pm) [edit]I've a funny friend (not funny, funny...it's funny weird) who always listens in to other people's conversation (my conversation including). Of course nobody likes that, especially my friends. She's getting into our nerves. But what can I say? It's just one of her weak points. Do you think I should tell her that we don't like her listening in? Hmm...or just let it be. Or maybe, we could just create a conversation and create some stories. Surely she'll tell it to others and since it's the wrong information, it sort of get back at her you know. Nah...I doubt we would do that. Just tolerate. Toleration - the key to being a 'nice' roommate? Hahaha... :D
She's nice actually. She gives and shares her food with me (one way to please me is with food...) when I'm hungry or not hungry. She normally stock up food but doesn't eat, not a great eater actually. So before the food expires, she gives them to me. Hey, I don't mean to say I'm a dustbin. Though I eat a lot and always hungry (due to stress), I'm not that fat. She loves cats while I love dogs. Cats, dogs...they're animals, so basically we're animal lovers. Hmm, one thing in common. She's tall, meaning nice long legs, like a super model. Is she hot? Well, I've a very high standard of who's hot and who's not, so maybe I'll just say she's ok-looking. By the way, that doesn't mean that I'm hot, I just have taste. :) Oh yeah, she's moody, sometimes? All the time? I don't know. But there's this one time she entered the room with a sour look on her face. I thought of greeting her, but looking at her angry face, I dared not. I'll get killed if I did. Few minutes later, she went out of the room and came back in after awhile, but this time with a broad smile and said "Hi!" I was like "Huh?" I mean how can a person's mood change so fast in just few minutes? Oh well, maybe they are people like that.
One night I saw her sad. She had a fight with her boyfriend. I'm not that kind who comforts people you know because I have this view that those who show their emotions are weak (especially crying). But I think that they're the bravest! Anyway, that night or was it the next morning, I bought 6 sweets (I think it's 6 if not more) and wrapped them up with a present paper. My friends and I were going out, so before we left, I left the 'present' on her bed and wrote on it, 'Open only when you're in the train...', signed me. That night, she messaged me and thanked me for making her day. I was happy of course, I mean though I don't exactly like her, but still I'm happy that I make her happy. I think she must be pretty shocked because I don't normally talk to my roommates, except for answering a yes and no question. An act like that of course would surprise her since she didn't realized that I noticed her sad. She thinks that I just don't care about other people, you know. But it doesn't make me a snob, I just don't like to burden my mind with unnecessary stuff. The next day, she posted up a note on my locker, wishing me good luck in my trials which was the next day. Well, it was quite awkward, but one thing is for sure, we do care for each other's well-being. That's the duty of a roommate, well, this is one thing that I learned.
Why am I writing this? Well, I just don't want to hate her you know. Everyone has their good and bad qualities, it's just up to you which side do you choose to see. If you're shown a white paper and there's a black small dot on it. And you're asked what do you see? Everyone would answer a black dot. Don't you see? A tiny dot like that we notice, yet how about the white empty spaces around the dot? Well, that's human I give you.
Listen Baby, I'm Sorry...
08.07.05 (9:16 pm) [edit]I just got my results, an EDB, 7points in total. I didn't meet up the 13/15 requirement. I have to repeat 2 papers, 1 this year (November) and 1 next year. Man, I wonder if I could handle this. I got only one chance, so I must not blow it this time.
Hmm...I must analyse where went wrong. I did study, but maybe my study technique is wrong or not effective. Tonight, I must take out all my last semester's books and past papers since I've got to revise them again. After that, draft a new study timetable, make sure that I don't waste any precious time. Of course I need to be balance: spiritual responsibilities, education and friends. Wow, I never thought student life is so stressful or maybe it's me who make life difficult. Oh well, I can't help it ok.
I just told my mum and I'm surprised she didn't freak. Her only response was "Are you going to repeat?" Well, I think she knows I will do something about it. I haven't tell dad though. I'm sure he would be displeased and disappointed. Maybe he could tell me what to do next. I'm really, really sorry...
Of course I would love to blame my failure on others: my teachers, my school...But it won't go anywhere. One can't expect everything to be perfect, so the only way to cope is to get on with life and make some adjustments.
Want to know my personal reasons why I need to get good results this time? The first and foremost reason, my religion. I must prove that getting involve in spiritual things like going to meetings, preparing magazines etc. do not take away my time used for studying. I know people just LOVE to criticize my religion. Secondly, my parents. Both of them have high expectations for me since I'm their only daughter among two children. Plus, I don't want people to look down on my parents, thinking that they produce lazy and stupid children. I'm proud of both my parents and they trained me to be tough. So I'm not going to let them down! Thirdly, overseas. I always dream of going overseas since young. So if I get good results, I would have the chance to go and I intend to fulfill that dream no matter what it takes (the legal way of course). Fourthly, my dad. He's the first boy from his village to be sponsored to go to Ohio University. But it's a pity he couldn't go, papers. So I want to complete my dad's dreams, to go abroad. Who knows, indirectly he lives his dreams through me.
Anyway, good luck to me. I'll tell you how it goes later. :p
Targeted to my classmates
08.07.05 (2:18 pm) [edit]| A Dedication to My Classmates | |||
When one person struggles, We all struggle. When one person triumphs, We all triumph. When we face criticisms, Taunts, jeers or even personal persecutions, We do not easily give up, But we would always keep our heads up. When we face problems in school, Or how much other students wanna make us a fool, We always strive to help each other out, Never letting anyone cause our spirits to snuff out. The months we spent together, Taught us a lot about each other. We learn of the value of friendships, And especially coping with each other's differences. Forgiveness - A key to seal back broken relationships, The 'relationships' here does not always have to be B.G.R. It could be the kind that involves you and me. Runnin' away will never do, Coz the problems between us can never go away. I hope that we could sort this out, Before our time here runs out. A group within a community within the whole population... Is there no end to this? Classless society would just be an illusion. If we're divided even in our own class. Denying this means denying the truth, Let's face it, no one's perfect. Note: This does not always have to be me, It could just be YOU!! | |||
My first poem
08.07.05 (2:16 pm) [edit]| A Teenager's Struggle | ||
The beat resounding in my ears, The energy is filling me, Controlling every part of me, And letting go of all my senses. This is not what I desire, Desperately searching for the inner voice, I can't stop the screamings in my head, The different voices I try to avoid. Wrapping in a cloud of confusion, I could feel the room spinning, The corners of the walls are closing in, I'm losing everything... Someone, anyone, please help me... Wake me! Shake me! Bring me back to myself before it's too late, Don't let the evil me surface. Nobody would ever guess, That I am actually two persons in one body, When the 'other' me releases, They would know that it's no more the innocent me! | ||
You're annoying!
08.07.05 (2:10 pm) [edit]Let me tell u an incident which happened last nite. There's dis girl who came into my room n jz tel me to my face dat im annoying. dats rather rude don u tink, i mean its my room for God's sake. Who givs u d rite to say neting u want? let me illustrate it to u: u r d guest n of course s d master of d house, i welcome u in. n then wat? u call d host "You're stupid!" Bullshit! s d host, he has evry rite to kick d guest out of d house, ain't it rite? Well, she's lucky i din, jz for d sake of being civilized.
But i did tel her off! So i said, "If u find me annoying, then don talk to me!" It's true right? If u don like a person, so don talk to him. i kno dat u can't expect evrybody to like u. So, u don like me, leave me alone! im so sick of dis! i cud jz keep quiet n let her blabber all she wants. But i can't take it nemo, ppl tink dat im d innocent kind, can b pushed around all dey want. At least now dey kno dat im not to b taken lightly. surely dey gossiped abt me, but i don care. no matter wat i do, i wil owez b on d bad side. So no pt pleasing dem, dey won't appreciate it. If u knw whr i m, it's like hell i tel u.
My roommate, d one she wants to visit initially, made a remark dat im so sarcastic these dayz. well, i retorted by sayin dat ppl r making me pissed on purpose, so of course i wud say mean tings bek at dem.
Let me tel u an incident not related dis. Ok, we had dis roll-call evry1 mus attend. Dat nite i din tie my hair n went straight 4 d meeting n guess wat, d lady warden told me off for letting down my hair, including 2 gud frens of mine. I wasn't hepi of course, i mean all dis while i try my vry bst 2 comply 2 d rules tho i disagree to most of it. n she chose oni dis moment 2 scold me. wat d hell? d ppl here jz LOVVVEEE to find fault in us. Humph! hey, wen i get pissed, it'll tek quite a while 4 me 2 cool down. bt oni my mum has d pwr 2 make me calm dwn again. so i told her in one of her phone calls. She sez if i can't handle dis kind of situation, then i might s wel cut my hair, then there wud not b any problem. she suggested dat i cut my hair during my nxt break. wen i heard dat, immediately i said NO! i mean ive nvr keep a long hair before (it's my dad's idea dat i shud keep my hair long), so in d end i gav up pursuing d matter. I knew she was rite. *Sigh* wat cn i say, she knows me so wel dat she knows all my weaknesses. so now i cultivate d WUTEVA attitude. Hey, i find dat it works, mayb u shud try it, it'll lessen stress.
But 1 ting 4 sure, weneva im in a tight situation (being a victim of a bully 4 eg), I've owez hv my frens watchin my bek. of course i knw dat dey wud not b there all d tym, so i need to tek care of myself n b tough like d incident i mentioned 8 d beginning of dis post. If u don like sumting a person did 2 u, jz tel her off, let her knw hw u feel. u might surprise dem bcos all dis while u juz keep quiet n brush it off. let me tel u it wil nvr go away coz dey juz like to test ur patience. :)